How to Talk Dirty When You're Shy (but Horny)

If you want to elevate your bedroom game, learning how to talk dirty may be exactly what your sex life needs. Whether you're exploring a new sex position, dry humping your way to an orgasm, or sexting a new match, knowing how to use your words can be the difference between an average sex session and one that leaves you asking, "When can we do that again?"

But understanding how to dirty talk isn't as simple as throwing out "fuck" and "right there" every now and then. Dirty talk is a skill that requires practice, confidence, and maybe some expert advice too.

With help from certified sex therapist Emily May, here's some tips on how to talk dirty the next time you want to step up your words game. Though a silent romp isn't the worst thing to happen, using these sexy dirty talk examples could make your sex life hotter than ever.

Emily May is an AASECT certified sex therapist and writer at Private Sugar Club, an online dating platform.

Dirty talk is a way of expressing how you feel or what you want during sex. "It's using words to ramp up the heat between you and your partner," Dr. May says. "It's about expressing your desire, your pleasure, and your fantasies in a way that pulls you both deeper into the moment."

Not only can dirty talk make you feel more confident and in tune with your body, but it's a great way to build a connection with your partner. "When you open up and let your partner know what turns you on, you're also letting them know that you feel safe and comfortable with them," Dr. May says. The more comfortable you feel with your partner, the better the sex will be, presumably.

Before incorporating anything new to your sex life, it's best to have a conversation with your partner. Talk to them about why you're interested in dirty talk and how you'd like to incorporate it into your sex life. During this conversation, you can also clarify if there's anything you wouldn't like to hear during sex that could pull you out of the moment.

If after this conversation, both you and your partner decide you'd like to explore dirty talk further, Dr. May recommends starting small. "Don't feel like you need to dive right into the deep end with graphic descriptions or anything that feels out of character," she says. "The goal is to be present and natural."

Ease into it with a compliment or by expressing what you're feeling at the moment. Then, as you become more comfortable, you can dive into more specifics like what you want them to do or why what they're doing to you feels so hot.

As you dirty talk, make sure to pay attention to your partner and how they're responding. "Listen to your partner's cues, and don't be afraid to ask if there's something they'd like to hear more (or less) of," Dr. May says. You can check in with them by saying something like, "Do you like that?" or "Do you like it when I tell you to do this to me?"

Most importantly, know there's no wrong way to talk dirty. So long as consent is established and you feel safe and comfortable with your partner, you're not going to mess it up. "The best sex happens when you're relaxed and enjoying yourself, not when you're worried about saying the perfect thing. Loosen up, let go, and have some fun with it," Dr. May says.

The best thing about talking dirty is that words have power. "They can build anticipation, make your partner feel desired, and turn a good time into a mind-blowing experience," Dr. May says. For some specific dirty talk examples, here are some recommendations. Feel free to use these directly or edit them so they sound more natural to you.

At the end of the day, dirty talk doesn't have to be overtly explicit or raunchy if that's not your style. "Dirty talk is about creating an experience that feels thrilling and new, even if you've been together for years," Dr. May says. Find what works best for you, and leave what doesn't. Promise, the moment you try dirty talking, you'll never doubt the influence words can have on your horniness again.

Taylor Andrews is a PS Balance editor who specializes in topics relating to sex, relationships, dating, sexual health, mental health, and more.